


If I was gone.

by Geniesis



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Pining Keith (Voltron), Protective Shiro (Voltron), Self-Harm, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), editing, first fanfic, self-hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-19 23:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geniesis/pseuds/Geniesis
Summary: Lance decides to be more like Keith after a mission goes terribly wrong. Not surprisingly, it makes everything worse. Keith knows Lance is struggling but doesn't know what to do. Shiro is just trying to make sure Lance is fine every second of everyday without making the blue paladin hate him even more.





	1. Copycat

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, welcome to my first fanfic. Initially this was going to be a totally different idea but then I saw the Copycat AU on youtube and was inspired. I hope you like this.

Lance turned off the comms to his helmet, he didn't want to here Keith snap at how he screwed up this time. How he got Pidge nearly killed because again he was too slow. What he needed now was the soft comfort of Blue.

He felt her press comforting waves against his spirit, reckognizing the all too familiar pangs of self-hate and shame. If he was more like Keith he would have made it in time. 'If you were more like Keith you would be piloting my sister' Blue gently reminded. "Yeah, yeah. Ya know what I mean." he huffed. 

He needed to get away. He was going to lose it and did not want anyone to witness. Especially Shiro, who has a knack for showing up at the worst times. Right before he cries, right before his panick attacks, and right before he cuts.

Also, where in the fuck did he leave Blue? He could have sworn all the lions were at the top off this hill. "It must have been another hill," he says quietly as he looks out at the crystal sky and the flower covered fields ahead of him as he thinks about what he could have done better.

Lance was shaken from his memories as he slipped down a muddy path, he could hear the trickle of water from a distance, the sound a comfort to his ears. If he could just figure out how to focus, how to keep his mind on one thing at a time, he wouldn't be trying so hard and yet failing so epically. He trudged down the trail, the wet earth soft against his footsteps. He briefly wondered if the dirt here is like earth dirt, if it tasted the same or if it had a foreign alien likeness like everything else. Fuck, he missed home, he missed his mom. She would always fix him the best pancakes. He wasn't a fuck up when he was with her. She always thought he was so perfect. "Look at me now mom, am I still perfect?" He yelled up into the non visible sky, the woods so thick it roofed the forest.

 

                                                                           *****

It all started when Allura got another distress beacon. It was from a distant planet named Orucus inhabited by an ancient species. Allura jumped at the chance for more allies and sent the paladins to aid against the galra. Too bad it wasn't  even against the Galra. Of course Lance was in favor of helping the Orucans find peace. Hunk and him had been voices of influence in the fact that even though it would be messy to get into another planets buisness, it could be detrimental in the fight against Zarkon and that saving a planet lead to higher cause. Of course, Lance said this in his usual way, something like, "Come on what's the big deal, we get in save the day and get ginormous crab like creatures to fight big purple cats with us!" Sometimes, Lance hates the way he acts. Other times, he can't find enough in himself to even care.

 

                                                                          .....

                                 

The sky didn't  answer of course and Lance diverted his attention to the water he heard a few leagues down. Maybe he'd go for a swim, it had been awhile considering the fact that he was in space. He might never get a chance like this again.

He came to a ledge and did his best to climb down carefully, watching the recent cuts on his wrists.

His mind wandered.  _I would hate me if I had missed an easy shot like that. Pidge is probably pissed, she was relying on me for backup and I caved. I  trained so hard too. If I hadn't  of gotten so scared-_

"ANCE!" Lance yelped and slipped down the cliff, his hands and knees scraping on the sharp rocks, flinching at the sudden yelling in his ears. "What the fuck!" he said mostly to himself, he thought he turned his comm off. "Lance? Good the hacking worked. I would say sorry for your ears, but I'm not." Lanced huffed, he was pissed, "Pidge honestly, why would you-wait...you're okay?" She snorted, "Ugh yeah, where did you run off to? We thought you were with Blue?" "Yeah Lance it's not cool to run off like that man. " Lance grunted, he reckognized Hunk's tone, that of a concerned mother. "I didn't realize I was being babysat," He snapped. His knee hurt and he winced as he climbed the rest of the way down the cliff. "You just hurt yourself didn't you?" Keith. " I'm peachy," Lance responded bitterly. Honestly all he wanted was a swim. "Uhm You still didn't answer the question... where are you Lance?" "Listen Pidge, I'm glad your okay, but can you like leave me alone?"   silence. "Lance it's important that we, as a team, know where you are." Shiro, hearing Shiro's chastizing tone just makes Lance more bitter, more mad, not at them but at himself. He turns his comm of again and takes his helmet off. He walks towards the now loud stream of water and follows it towards a small shallow pool. As he strips down he hears his comm turn on again and a pissed off pidge cussing him out wondering why he is being so difficult. Honestly, Lance doesn't know why. He knows that he is stressing them out and that Shiro has a good point with the knowing where he is thing but Lance, Lance can't bring himself to care. Not this time. He slips into the water and feels the sting on the scrapes against his skin. He sighs, feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. He lets his mind wander, again.  _If I was Keith could I have made it? I've been trying as myself for a long time and it obviously isn't  working. They prefer Keith. Keith is cool. He's the paladin of fire, quick and devastating. I'm the paladin of water, calm and...refreshing? That won't take down alot of enemies for sure. Hell,  I couldn't even bring  myself to drown in water. Fuck..._  he stares at the water, not sure why it bothers him so much. Then it hits him, hard, like a brick against his skull. His reflection. That horrid tanned skin and ugly blue eyes... and his smile? Why is he smiling? Why does he smile so goddamn much? Why in the hell does he look like this? He quckly gets out of the water and refuses to look at it, fearing how he looks. Beleiving that if he doesn't look he is somebody different. Keith, he settles on Keith. Because everybody loves Keith.


	2. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fully apologize for all flubbed Spanish, I wanted to look cool and I FAILED. I like the chapter though so I am keeping it lol. Thanks all of you who commented, bookmarked, viewed, and left kudos. So all of you lol. Enjoy (I am as awkward as Keith man)

                                *****

The Orucans were decidedly alot like humans when it came to the bigoted thought "survival of the fittest". Lance also decided he would never eat a crab ever again. They had been imprisoned by large red king crab like aliens. They were massive and had four arms on each side and strong sturdy legs. The faces, well, left something to be desired, as it seemed to Lance as if they barely had a face, only disjointed eyes that glared at them menacingly. Shiro had tried to be diplomatic at first, but when it became clear that the Orucans were not going to let them go they surrendered in favor of not being crushed by massive pinchers. The paladins and Lance were led into a cold, dark, jail cell. They were each in one cell, chained and their Bayards and armor confiscated, Shiro's arm had some type of muffler on it that Pidge was trying to figure out on the far side of the room. "Gee thanks Shiro, I had such a good track record." Lance says mostly to himself and hears a groan from Keith and a "Shutup," From Pidge. "Ugh Lance is right, I would prefer not to be locked up so plan..PLEASE!" "Calm down Hunk, I like this just as much as you do, but we have to keep a clear head. The moment we panic is the moment we lose." Shiro says heavily. When they landed on planet Orucus a slightly blue, small crab like creature came to them, frantic and frightened, trying desperetly to explain to them that they needed to leave the area and get into hiding. The creature, whom Lance assumed was an Orucan as he hadn't  seen the species before, didn't expect for them to come into the planet so...loudly. Lance noted this and tried to relay this to the other paladins when he realized they had confused and startled looks on their faces. It was then that Lance realized only he could understand the Orucans seeing as they didn't have a face that displayed any type of emotion. Come to think of it, Lance wasn't  sure how he understood the blue crab. Shiro had started to try and converse with the small Orucan-no Marcne, Marcne was his name, but Lance was the only one who could sense it's urgency. "Guys," Lance said, receiving no response. He tried again more urgently, fear seeping in his bones as he understood more and more of what Marcne was saying -  **Hurry, armies come from below, hurry hurry hide!!! -** "GUYS!" He tries again and earns a "Lance please, I'm trying to translate!" from Pidge as Hunk turns and says, "Yeah buddy, no offense but we don't  need a joke right now." and Lance flinches because okay, yeah, he makes a lot of jokes but he's serious right now don't they know he is capable of being serious? So he tries again, more frantically, "Guys we have to run!" and honestly he has half a mind to leave them behind so he can live and see his mom again but they're his family too and he couldn't possible leave them behind but as Keith turns to him hearing his urgent tone Lance feels the ground rumble and sees the sand break apart and he knows it's too late. Marcne begins to run as the sandy ground underneath opens up and giant red crabs come up from the earth. Marcne doesn't make it far and gets crushed by massive claws beefier than Shiro and Lance is terrified as he instantly imagines his own thin body snapping underneath the vice of those crab like hands. But they don't kill them, and as he feels the cold from the dungeon seep into his bones Lance wonders why. 

                                 .....

As he gets dressed Lance thinks about the fact that he needs to train more. How he needs to become faster and more precise. Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing but now he is thinking about Keith and how Keith trains. He needs to fight like Keith, Shoot first and ask questions later because if the last battle was any indication, asking questions got comrads killed.  _Okay well, Pidge isn't  dead but still!_ He thinks as he puts his helmet on and apologizes to the group. He doesn't really get a response, just an acknowledged grunt from Keith. He is glad for the silence though, because he doesn't want to deal with any more lectures. As he walks up to the cliff he vaguely wonders how he got down it because he sure as hell isn't  getting up it. "Shit...fuck...idiot" he mumbles to himself, surprised when he gets a response of "What happened now Lance?" from a humored Keith. Lance frowns, because it would be nice to have help, but he sure as hell isn't going to ask Keith. "Nothing," Lance grumbles. He hears a tired sigh, "Look Lance the last mission fell hard on all of us. We made mistakes, mistakes that we can fix in training. Now we want to go home so get your ass back here."  Lance frowns as he notes Keith's "Home" remark. That castle thing, home? Lance doesn't  feel like it's home. He feels like it's summer camp, with awful cots and being forced to associate with people you normally wouldn't. He feels like any second now the bus is going to load up all the city kids and his mom will drive up in her blue Sienna, running out before she barely has time to brake the car, screaming as she goes to hug her "Favorite boy". Lance feels his heart tug. He feels like yelling, instead he asks a question that had been in his head for awhile now. "Why are yo still on the comms anyway Mullet?" A pause. "Uhm...I...Allura wanted to make sure you didn't mess anything up so she made me watch your stupid ass." Oh. So that's what Allura thinks of him. Well he always suspected but, it does a hurt a bit to know the truth. 

Keith doesn't know whether to be pissed or concerned when Lance never responds back. He decides that Lance must have turned his comm of again and definetly doesn't end up ignoring Allura as she relays the next plan of action because he is so flipping concerned over that stupid idiot. Yep, nope, definetly doesn't. As the group disbands he catches Shiro eyeing him and Keith starts to make a break for it, heading for his lion because he knows that look. The 'something is wrong with you and we need to talk' look. "Keith," Shiro demanded and Keith stopped and sighed as he relents, because Shiro is annoying and he never let's anything go. "He fucked up," He growls but then frowns, "We fucked up Shiro," He murmurs, his feelings a confusing jumble. Shiro's shoulders slump and he looks guilty, staring at the ground, "I know.." he says, "But he'll come back eventually and we will have a team meeting." Keith catches how Shiro seems to be convincing himself, so far Lance has heen uncooperative and to Keith a meeting sounds...unlikely. "Yeah," Keith murmurs "He'll miss Blue too much to stay away." Keith smirks and Shiro blinks at the rare joke and smiles a bit, then Coran is calling him over and  Keith is left to his own thoughts again. 

Shiro's right, Lance does come back eventually, looking like he fell through the woods. Hunk runs up to him and squeezes him in a big bear hug. If asked Keith won't admit he is happy to see the Cuban alive instead he busies himself with cleaning the scuff marks off red. There is a strangled sound from the Sharpshooter, "Vaya hombre, no puedo respirar!" Lance rasps as he tries to get out of Hunk's suffocating hug and fails. After a few doboshes Hunk lets go and looks at him quizacally "Sorry what was that?"  Lance's eyebrows furrow as he translates. He looks tired so Keith assumes the sentence will come out a bit wrong. "Ugh...choke me?" Lance murmurs, stretching and rubbing his eyes. Keith's hand slips and he bangs his head on Red, startled because Lance shouldn't  say that and when he does it's only in Keiths ill-fated dreams! Pidge starts cackling and Shiro lets out a spluttered "Lance!" which earns a confused look from the blue  paladin. "What I said...oh...shit. That's not. I meant to say I couldn't  breathe, mierda." Keith finds himself feeling bad for him as he remembers his day trying to translate from Korean. It is hard trying to translate in the first place and from what he can tell Lance looks completely beat and oh gosh, Pidge is still laughing. "Pidge," Keith says as Shiro nudges the girl to stop. "Oh okay, sorry Lance I just..." She fails at her apology and ends up cackling again, louder if that was even possible. Lance grimaces and walks off towards Blue, muttering in spanish.  Keith looks at Lance, he seems off not counting the obvious emberassment of what just happened. He's about to go say something, anything but as he steps closer he over hears Lance, "Idiota. Tonto Idiota. Incluso se puede hablar el idioma inglés! Por qué estoy hablando español, Keith no habla español!" Keith glares at him, "Did you just say my name?" he questions noting how Lance stiffens. _He did say my name,_ Keith acknowledges before Lance turns around with the most arrogant smile and says, "Uhm...no... I didn't, but you were just waiting for me to say it and got impatient didn't you?" He raises his eyebrows as his smile gets more crooked, so crooked and obnoxious Keith wants to slice his head off.  Keith knows he's just trying to make him angry and he tries not to bite, "Lance you're the last person I want to say my name PERIOD!" Okay, he said try, he would TRY to not take the bait. He expects Lance to say something back, like usual. It was their normal banter. So Keith waits, but Lance never does, just slightly shrugs and heads towards Blue. Now Keith is confident that _something_ is wrong with Lance. Keith grabs Lance's shoulder and makes him turn around. "You alright Lance?" because he cares and whatever problem Lance has they can talk about it but Lance stares at him and deadpans, "No speakie english." and Keith gets pissed again because that wasn't even Spanish and Keith is trying to be serious. "You know what fine. I don't care!" 

If there is one thing Lance can rely on, it's Keith's ability to be angry. They are back at the castle and he is glad when the others lose sight of them. Wait, them? He turns around and sees Keith behind him...like, what does it take to get Mullet to leave him alone. He opens his mouth but Keith interrupts him. "You know Pidge is fine, you did nothing wrong. I-I don't  know what the hell is wrong with you but you don't  have to make m-me mad to make me leave you alone. B-but there's this thing called talking and yeah i'm not good at it but atleast I make an effort! So stop moping and idk, try it once in awhile." and then he leaves and Lance is beside himself. For one second, for one crazy second, he thinks he should talk to Keith. Then he is scared, because what if he does talk to keith and it turns out that it's true?That they do hate him, and think he's worthless. That would crush him and honestly Lance is trying hard enough to not end it as it is. So he goes in his room and continues his plan. To be Keith. Actually, Lance is pretty peeved at himself. He made this whole proclamation on destroying Lance and becoming something useful and not even a second passes with him in the group and he's Lance again. Lance, the egotistical, stupid, cocky for no reason, unwanted playboy. Lance is like three seconds from grabbing his knife when he remembers something Shiro had said to Keith once, and yeah it was totally not meant for this context but Lance thinks it anyways.

"Patience yeilds focus"

and just like that, Lance is calm again because hey, rome wasn't built in a day and he can't completely destroy Lance within a few hours. _Sooo, how would one go about being somebody different?_ Lance thinks. He is going to need help and he knows just the gal to help him.

Pidge rubbed her eyes, her head hurt from staring at the screen so much. It was only 4:00 in the morning so she could crank a few more for Matt. Now that she knows he's alive there is no stopping her. Down the hall she hears footsteps and acknowledges that it is most likely Lance telling her to go to bed. If it's Shiro she's doomed. "Pidge." Yep, Lance. "I will Lance I promise." She waits for him to leave like usual but when he doesn't she gives him her full attention, begrudgingly atleast. She nearly sqawks because Lance looks terrible, like he's been run over. "What is it Lance?" She asks concerned. _If he still feels guilty about the mission then I swear-_ "Uhm," Lance hesitates, either he is nervous or just can't figure out how to word what he is saying. Pidge goes for nervous, noting how his weight shifts to the back of his feet. "What makes up a person's personality?" Pidge adjusts her glasses, a bit confused as to why Lance would want to know, but can't resist a chance to explain things. "Well, in a simple sense, a personality is comprised as a system influenced by hereditary, environmental, and historical -" "How would one lose their personality?" Pidge frowns at the interruption and is about to answer the question, but she catches something. The way he said it, almost desperate and pleading. "Why do you want know?" Pidge Inquires. Lance tenses, "Gee I don't know Pidge, am I not allowed to know stuff?" he says it bitterely and Pidge relents, she didn't mean to make him feel stupid and she already feels guilty for laughing at him earlier. "Sorry, you can't actually get rid of your personality completely. Amnesia tends to alter ones personality but they are still the same person, albeit a bit different. " She watches as Lance takes the information, as his face turns to a look of near hopelessness and defeat, but then he looks determined and Pidge is worried. "Lance is everything okay? You skipped dinner today. You don't look too well either. You can talk to us." "No Pidge I'm fine thanks for all your help." He leaves and Pidge is left feeling as if something awful just happened and she replays it all in her head, analyzing every moment and it is all just wrong. "He didn't even smile when he left..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Vaya hombre, no puedo respirar" - geez man, I can't breathe. 
> 
> "Idiota. Tonto Idiota. Incluso se puede hablar el idioma inglés." - Idiot. Dumb Idiot can't even speak the english. 
> 
> "Por qué estoy hablando español, Keith no habla español!" - Why am I speaking spanish, Keith doesn't speak spanish!
> 
> Translation grade: F. xD 
> 
> Anyways I hope you liked this chapter, I have more angst planned. Also I made Pidge out to be a brat, a sweet one though.


	3. Work, Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the Kudos and comments I apologize for the long wait. I got distracted by other in-the-making ships. Lots of love <3 enjoy.

Coran loves doing the morning rounds. It is a simple rhythm check diagnostics, clean whilst going around the castle checking it's perimeter, and dumping the trash. He couldn't  be happier watching his Paladins go about there normal day, and if he can get his favorite enraptured in conversation than all the merrier! Alas Lance seemed very late for something whenever Coran would approach the boy. Coran chuckled, young ones always take on so much these days. He is currently emptying the trash when he sees a peice of paper he beleives Pidge called a photo lying amongst the mess. It is only a small section but Pidge had seemed to stress the need for humans to capture everything on paper. So like any sensible human on earth would do, Coran rummages through the trash to find all the peices of the picture. He hums to himself while he goes through all the leftovers and such, letting out an exuberant shout when he finds all the peices and peices them together. He ends up confused, his eyebrows rising higher than Werglag, because the picture is of Lance and his family. He thought the young paladin was very close to them and couldn't fathom why it would be in the garbage, unless it was some earthen tradition? He picks up the photo and goes to ask the yellow paladin, distractedly curling his mustache.  

Allura stood over the information layed out before her. What was their next plan of action? Are they making any progress? Why is the Galra empire still a threat? Would her father be proud of what they have done? She sighed, the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders. To thrust humams this young into a war, it was unforgivable. They would never live normal lives again, no matter how much they believed they could. She wished that they could have the time that she had to rest in blissful naivety. For now though she couldn't change the past. Instead she looked over the stats of her paladins. Shiro, the Black paladin, element of air. Clearly where he excels is strength, but his intelligence leads to quick and decisive decision making. His speed isn't  that far behind and in truth he excels. However, Allura isn't a fool. His tendencies to keep things quiet about what is troubling him from his past hinders the team. Inability to tell the truth is blatant lack in trust. She swiped the screen revealing the next slide. Keith's agility, swordsmanship, hand to hand combat, and piloting abilities make him a force to be reckoned with. However skill does not win a war. Allura would take spirit over skill anyday. Besides, the red paladin was a volcano, his instincts ruling over mind, as it should be. He was no strategist and no diplomat. His answer was always fighting and burning everything in it's path. Ah, where was she? Right. Pidge, the green paladin. Stubborn and willful to a fault, she won't let anyone stop her from achieving what she wants. That means striving all night to the point she can't train in the morning. She is of no use when her energy is already exerted. As her strength and speed are lacking, her small form and mind make it easy for her to take down opponents. Hunk, while wary and hesitant at first, showed remarkable prowess with the Balmerans. While hesitancy isn't  bad, he has realized the bigger picture as to why they are here. He is strong, stronger than Shiro inside and out. His knowledge and engineering skills are a gift that cannot be taken for granted. Then there is the Blue paladin, who frankly, Allura just doesn't understand. He flirts non-stop and yet now that she has focused enough beyond the guise, he seems to hold no interest in her. His confident and overly friendly nature would be great for diplomacy though if he could be taught on the matter. He is selfless, sensitive and while yet seemingly oblivious, he takes in all his surroundings and can make out the simplest plan on the fly. His aim with a gun is the best she has ever seen. Yet...she feels as if there is something she is missing. She has stacked info on the paladins thanks to the mice, but Lance, Lance's stack is lacking any substance. Just like the forefront of his personality it seems. "Well...he is truly like his element, with rolling waves and depths the eye can't see." Allura sighs as she moves on to her own file and grimaces. She is well aware of her own flaws. She still feels guilty for doubting Keith because of his lineage. For initially believing Shiro was the only paladin with any potential, starry eyed fool. She has a long, long way to go as ruler. She is selfish and finds that when she is set on something she doesn't listen to her peers advice. Yes, that's what they are, peers, not soldiers. Not servants. She may be princess but she needs to remember that they are in no way beneath her. She is too immature. Oh how she wishes for her father's teachings.

"It isn't  like you were very productive Lance." Pidge hisses, Lance flinches even though he knows she is just angry at being behind a jail cell with no sign of getting out. Lance decides not to mention the fact he could understand the Orucans. She was right. If he hadn't distracted them they would have gotten it in time and they wouldn't be here. So instead of responding he focuses on the drip, drip, drip of a leaking pipe in the dungeon. He knows the others are talking but even if he was included he couldn't be of any use. As his eyes adjust he takes in his surroundings and he stares at nothing but iron. It's a whole lot of iron and...a storm drain? Why? Does this place flood over when it rains. He looks at the bars of his cell and.... oh. Maybe, maybe. "Pidge I need your glasses." "What!? No way! Why would I give them to you?" Pidge grunts out stubbornly. Lance rolls his eyes, then remembers she can't  see and says, "Rolling my eyes right now, just give them Pidge." he hears a, "I swear if they get broken.." and Lance frowns because they probably will. Oh well. He starts tearing his black undersuit. Grunting in satisfaction when he recieves the glasses. If there is water under that drain then maybe... maybe they can get out. After what seems like hours, which is really only 20 minutes, Lance has a huge emberassing chunk ripped out of his suit and a long, thick strand. He ties the glasses up to the strand and winces as he thinks about how pissed Pidge will be about this, but tosses the glasses as close to the storm drain as possible, earning a "Bitch how dare you?!" from Pidge. Lance shushes her as he tries to jiggle the strand, succesfully making the glasses slip into the storm drain. He lowers it as far as he can. "Please be water in the storm drain please.." Lance murmurs. He doesn't realize the focus the other members of the team are giving him. One bar of his cell is angled sharper than the other, if the water can make his wrists slip out of his chains then he could squeeze through that bar and Lance could go through it once the place flooded. The floor is like a swimming pool, the floor is raised where they are sitting and the closer it gets to the drain it dips, making it quiet deep. 12 Inches he guesses and seeing as the wall has square holes at a certaint point, just below the paladins chest, he guesses that it floods an extra 5 inches. As he lifts the glasses he is pleased to find that they are not only wet, but the thread is wet too. It is more water than he first thought. "Okay, " Lance says, "This place is going to flood but I have a plan." "WhoahWhoahflooding!I'mgoingtodie!" Hunk yells as Shiro raises his eyebrow in mildly held concern. Keith looks bewildered and Pidge, Lance snorts because Pidge is squinting her eyes and it makes her look hilarious. "No, no Hunk just trust me man." "Fat chance." He earns from Pidge and he narrows his eyes at her. Lance decides then that he isn't  telling them the plan. Not if they are going to laugh at it. They will just tell him how many things could go wrong and not trust him and convince him not to do it because yeah his plans are stupid and shit but they work. "Don't worry okay you aren't  going to drown. Look at the wall, see those holes, it prevents the water from reaching your head. Pidge might have to stand because she's a midget." He says, gesturing towards the wall littered with square holes that kind of checkerboard each other. "Okay, what now?" Shiro says. Lance knows he is asking for the plan, and Lance gets it really. He wants to make sure it isn't  anything stupid. _Ha jokes on you, everything_   _I_   _do is stupid._ "For now, we just wait." Lance replies. 

Lance sighs, his heart heavy. It had been hard ripping his family photo up and throwing it away. His body rocked from the force of his sobs, his cries emotional and raw. All of that didn't chabge the fact he was hopeful. Like Pidge said, people can lose themselves if they forget.  _Just goes to show how dedicated I am._  Lance thinks as he goes to the one place he can always find physical comfort. As he walks into the kitchen he finds Hunk cooking some weird pink alien pasta like food. Lance remembers it being clear when cooked down and jelly like in consistency, but most of all it tasted like bacon.  Lance smiles, he is happy to see Hunk humming a soulful tune as he whisks away at the pan. His friend is a genius, managing to conjure up earthen food from foreign alien stuff that the Blue paladin would consider inedible. He also has great engineering skills that would knock Rolos out of the water. "Into the frying pan?" Lance murmurs. Is that the phrase? Out of the water and into the frying pan? He ponders this until he sees a hand in front of his face and Lance yelps in surprise. " Dude! Don't scare me like that!!" Hunk chuckles, "Scare you? You just terrified me. What was that about a frying pan?" Hunk smiles good naturedly. Lance can't help but smile back. "Oh well my brain was thinking about some old phrase. Out of the water into the frying pan? Is that how it goes, I think its how it goes, and even if it isn't....." Lance trails of as he realizes he is rambling and once again failing to be Keith. Keith is a man of few words. Keith doesn't  ramble. Keith doesn't  prevent his best friend from cooking the perfect alien food that now suspiciously smells close to burning. Of course Lance would distract Hunk like that. Lance is so annoying like that. Lance doesn't  care how much pointless time he is taking up. The others are trying to be useful and what is Lance doing? Talking about frying pans. Now is his time to prove he isn't  a failure. Wait hold on what is Hunk saying? Oh he is asking if I am okay. How-how would Keith answer this? Oh...Oh. "Fine. Are you supposed to burn that alien food? If its gross I won't eat it." Lance inwardly beams at his response, it was a bit shakey but hey he has a long time to practice. However, Hunk frowns.  _What? Did I do something wrong?_ Lance tries harder. "Uhm...are you okay? If it's about the fo-"  "Why are you acting like Keith? Like, your using the same gestures as him and everything?" Shit. Shit. Shit. Of course Hunk of all peolpe would realize. Lance was an idiot. Hunk knows everything about Lance. Lance can't be Keith if Hunk will instantly tell it apart from his normal self. So Lance plays it off, jokes and says he was just playing around seeing if he could do a good Keith impression. Hunk laughs and says it was near spot on. Lance laughs, mildly hiding his happiness at the compliment. Then says bye to Hunk, that they will talk later. Lance knows they won't though. He realizes that if he is going to change he needs to leave everything behind, including Hunk. 

Coran never makes it to Hunk however, he is noticed by a frantic Allura telling him that she was just at the bridge and that something seems to be wrong with the Widgum Biggotor. So Coran gives Allura what she knows and a busy Allura who honestly doesn't understand the importance of paper for memories hands them of to Shiro. 

Shiro, who is now extremely worried because from what he knows of Lance something like this should never happen. He then rushes to find the Blue paladin. This goes on for like three hours. He always seems to be three steps behind. Shiro briefly wonders why when he remembers that the blue paladin doesn't  particularly like him. Shiro tries not be hurt by it but he sees the way Lance will leave after he comes into the room, no matter how nonchalant he makes it. He notices Lance speed past him in the hallway. Notices him make excuses when he tries to talk to him after training. In fact the only time Shiro does talk to Lance is during training, missions, or meetings. Neither are a place for personal conversation. In fact the only thing he says are compliments or chastisement. No wonder Lance doesn't like him. Shiro sighs, the weight of the day weighing down on him. Keeping his...problems quiet is getting harder with each waking hour. Everytime he closes his eyes he sees galran yellow, blood, and druid magik. Shiro frowns as he rubs at his arm absent mindedly. He tries to remember all the aliens he hurt. All the aliens he brutally murdered. He feels so guilty he doesn't  know if remembering is making it worse or better. He is always so frantic. Trying to rewrite his wrongs with good. It is suffocating when you feel that if you take a moment to rest that the people he harmed will come back and hurt him, or worse people he cared about. Shiro knows that isn't  possible, but the feeling is still there. That reminds him that if something bad happens to Lance because he was to slow in interrogating the boy about the photo it will be his fault. Shiro sighs and goes off through the castle again. Never resting, Always busy. He has a job to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes I apologize for that. The Hunk thing, and the Lance thing, and the Shiro thing. lol. Am I evil. 
> 
> Also yes, that is a Hamilton reference as the chapter title.


	4. This is not a new chapter I just a have a few questions. Sorry.

Hi all, I am sorry if you all got exited at the prospect of a new chapter I just wanted to ask a few questions so the next chapters can be better. 

How do you like the formatting? 

Do the time jumps confuse you from time to time? If so is there any way I can make it better?

Have you noticed any extreme grammatical mistakes?

Do you feel like my characterization of the characters I have down so far are accurate?

Are there any other questions you have about the story that I haven't mentioned? (Like just general stuff that confused you about why I depicted some characters a certain way or like accidental plot holes.)

Thank you for reading this story and for taking time out of your day to read and respond.

 

**Author's Note:**

> haha next chapter we will learn a whole lot more about the mission and the Orucans. Sorry if the conversations are a bit awkward with knowing who is speaking. Thanks for reading. X3


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